July, 2021
I’ve spent the last week in creative residency at Subcircle in Biddeford Maine. Each day has been joy and a challenge. I feel so supported here to have the time and gorgeous space to reconnect with my body again. The first few days, I had an open throat, tightness gone. My heart opened up,I practiced diaphragmatic breathing and roaring through my thoracic spine to find ease in my chest and torso. I got a massage, which helped to soften those hardened places.
Alone here, I used my iphone camera as a witness, and made a video essay of each phrase I explored. I was very conscious of my use of time relative to the sunlight, when the golden hour would provide the best photo shoots. I worked hard to remind myself to be nice to me! No pressure to produce new dance work, but to instead focus on getting to happy places. I ate ice cream, a life changing sesame bagel sandwich with bacon, avocado, caramelized onions, and spicy honey.
I got to meet some wonderful people in Biddeford, from the Cousineau offspring at Sweet Creamery ice cream shop, to Zin of Biddeford Pool who’ve me a tour of her dreamy beachside family home, to Holly Culloton of Biddeford Community Gardens, who not only waters and maintains the free garden plots so people can grow their own favorite produce, but coordinates accessibility for those in need.
My second to last night, I was feeling lonely, and called my friends to keep me company as I dialed back each worry and concern. I recognized that a year ago, preCovid, I would not have dared to engage in a residency by myself; I needed the company. Today, after needing true solitude, and reflection, I feel the difference. I witness myself blooming, shining, and elevating into my dance. I t trust that I will find my way to make meaningful work!
I told a deep plunge into the Atlantic, which helped me to release the last bit of worry and reservation I had been holding on to. As a woman traveling alone with moderate swimming skills, I would not have dared to swim without a buddy in the ocean. But with the generosity and easygoing invitation from Chrystina and Sean, going swimming suddenly and quite easily became possible.
The result of that swim, the gratitude I have for this time, this space, opened me up. I felt secure and trusted, valued to fully let my guard down and release my tension. Like a spotter’s fingertip on one’s heel, just enough to say “I got you” when doing a backflip.